


Something Old, Something New

by daisydoctor13



Category: Berena - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: Elinor Lives, Established Berena, Established Relationship, F/F, a teensy bit of angst, i can't write smut, mainly fluff, proposal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-17 16:24:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11855331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisydoctor13/pseuds/daisydoctor13
Summary: Bernie and Serena are starting the next chapter of their lives, together. Bernie has started to repair her relationship with her children and Elinor has recovered from the accident, letting the two surgeons focus on each other. But the past is always just around the corner.





	1. I Shall But Love Thee Better After Death

**Author's Note:**

> This idea started as a very short little snapshot of how Bernie and Serena might get engaged, I told Beezarre and basically it went from drabble, to oneshot to a multi chapter fic. (I blame you for the plot bunnies and headcanons Beezarre!!)
> 
> Bernie and Serena are in an established relationship, everything happens the same as in canon, but it diverges from ‘I do, I do, I do’ (S19E13). The incident with Elinor still happens but she doesn’t die. It is set in about April 2017. 
> 
> This is also my first attempt at ‘Mature’ fic – it’s not explicit, I’ve kept it kind of vague… hope you all enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An emotional day at work leads to Bernie thinking about her future with Serena. True to form, she hasn’t quite planned it all the way through.

After thirty years in medicine Bernie felt she had become immune to most things. She’d had to, all doctors had to. There is no time to grieve when a patient dies on the operating table. You have a whole ward of patients still alive, that need their doctor to be at the top of their game. As a student, she had vowed not to become a doctor that was unaffected by death, but she soon realised that they had to deal with it later, in their own way.

It didn’t mean she didn’t care about the patients that died. A lot of them had been close friends, even more had been children. In a war zone, sides don’t matter when the young are affected. She was ashamed that she couldn’t remember the first person she’d seen die, but there had been so many over the years.

Every doctor had to find their own coping mechanisms. For Bernie it was exercise, putting headphones in and running until she could barely stand, nothing in her head except the jolts through her feet, the salty taste, the cold air hitting her lungs. She knew for Serena it was relaxation and being around the people that made her happy.

They understood each other, sometimes when Bernie got home she would be restless and Serena would smile and tell her dinner would be ready in an hour and a half, letting her release that energy and anger. If Bernie knew Serena had worked a difficult shift she would run a bath, get a bottle of Shiraz out and then hold her close, massaging the tension from her shoulders.

It was trickier when they were on shift together, but they compromised, and Bernie had found over the last five months that sometimes she didn’t need to run immediately, and Serena occasionally would suggest a brisk walk to clear their heads.

The worst thing about death was almost always having to tell the patient’s family. It was something that she hadn't been exposed to in the army; once a soldier died, their loved ones were notified through the official channels.

Working in the NHS, she had initially found it difficult, she had taken the anger personally and come close to tears when people broke down in front of her. It had taken her a while to adjust, to remind herself that people weren’t angry at her specifically, but she was there to rant at and they needed the release.

The expression of grief and hopelessness that she had seen today would be ingrained into her memory for a very long time, she knew. Mr Gilbert had come in a few days ago with gallstones. They had removed them and he was doing well, almost ready for discharge. He was in his seventies, but generally fit and well and his outcomes were looking good.

His wife had waited outside the ward for visiting time to start every day, twice a day, and she stayed until it finished. Each day they had sat and done a crossword together, because that’s what they did at home. He drew for her when he was alone, she brought in pictures of beautiful flowers she had seen because she knew he was mourning the lack of spring colours inside the dreary hospital ward.

That afternoon, disaster had struck; he had developed excruciating pain and a fever. They diagnosed acute pancreatitis; it could often be a complication of having gallstones, or the procedure to remove them. Unfortunately, the CT scan had shown he already had damage to his pancreas, and there was very little they could do.

They moved him to intensive care, but the inflammation had spread to his other organs and he went into multi-organ failure. The outcome wasn’t good and once they had set him up on ICU, Bernie returned to the ward to find his wife.

She had taken her to the relative’s room, got a cup of tea for her, gone through all the steps they teach you in medical school on how to break bad news. The words still stuck in the back of her throat.

“Mrs Gilbert, I am sorry. I’ll take you up to be with him, is there anyone you’d like to call?”

She had looked up at Bernie in complete despair. Whilst medicine was often rewarding, moments like these made it seem pointless. Bernie had torn down this lady’s world. Her lecturers had always said if you break bad news well, the family will never forget, but if you do it badly they will never forgive.

She knew deep down this was rubbish; there was no way to do it well. At the end of the day, it was devastating and whilst the family may not blame her for what has happened, she was still the bridge between them believing their loved one is alive, and knowing they aren’t.

Once her clinical duties were done, she had sat in the office, completely numb. She had caught sight of the photos on her desk. One was of her and Cam and Charlotte from about 3 years ago, she had been on leave and they’d gone to the beach. They were all standing, huddled together on the edge of the pier, fish and chips in hand, delighted smiles on their faces.

The other photo was more recent, her and Serena at the Christmas party in Albie’s. They’d both been a little worse for wear, meaning Serena had become more affectionate and Bernie’s usual embarrassment was long forgotten. Someone had managed to get a picture of them sat together, Serena’s head on Bernie’s shoulder, her own lips pressed into Serena’s short, soft hair, one arm around her waist. They both had their eyes closed, relaxed and happy.

Seeing the photos stirred something deep inside her. She wanted Serena close, to tell her she loved her. Life was fragile, fleeting, every moment counted. Every day she found herself falling more in love with Serena. She had never felt anything like it. With Marcus it had started as fondness, yes she had loved him and they had a bond, but it wasn’t deep. With Alex it had been passionate, furious, explosive, but shallow. A result of circumstance and frustration and fear.

In Serena she had everything: an equal, a deep love that had blossomed from friendship rather than lust. Yes, they had their disagreements, personally and professionally, but they could work it out. She had become better at telling Serena how she felt, rather than passive-aggressive silence when she was upset, and Serena never liked to go to bed on an argument, so they talked.

She looked at her phone and saw a text from Serena.

**Hope work’s not too bad, Jason is at Alan’s tonight, do you fancy going out for dinner? Xxx**

She smiled, hoping Serena wouldn’t mind that it had taken her four hours to reply. She rarely checked her phone at work, but she tended to if Serena wasn’t on shift with her.

**Not great, we’re losing Mr G, wife is devastated. Don’t really feel like going out, sorry. Will be done in an hour, love you x**

She got back to the paperwork, continuously glancing at the clock. Before she left the hospital, she went up to ICU and hovered out of sight, watching Mrs Gilbert talking to her husband. There was no knowing if he could hear her, but it was often good for relatives to do this before a patient died. She left the couple in peace, longing to get home.

*

When she got back home she dropped her bag on the floor, exhausted. She could smell a delicious aroma from the kitchen, hearing Serena bustling around. Hanging up her jacket, she made her way through. Serena turned away from the stove to kiss her, Bernie held onto her and lengthened the kiss, not wanting to let go.

“I’ve made thai green curry, it’ll be ready in about twenty minutes, but I can keep it warm if you need to go out,” she said as she broke away from Bernie, looking into her eyes and seeing a mix of emotions.

“No, I’m so tired. I’ll go and shower, change into something more comfortable.”

Serena nodded and pressed a quick kiss onto Bernie’s cheek, “I’ll open the wine.”

She washed away her emotions, trying not to think about the day, but it was almost impossible. She imagined being in that position, if it had been Serena, and she felt physically sick. She couldn’t quite believe how much had changed. Just over a year ago, they had met, outside the hospital. They had seen an equal in each other, female surgeons of a similar age, messy relationships with their children, even messier ones with their (ex)husbands. Now she was here, living with her and Jason. A family, although not conventional.

She heard Serena calling her and she finished towelling her hair, slipping into her light joggers and a t shirt. Over dinner, she told Serena briefly about what had happened. She took Bernie’s hand across the table and rubbed small circles with her thumb, soothing her.

“It never gets easier, does it?”

Bernie shook her head, “I hate it Serena, telling families there is nothing more we can do. They come to us expecting healing and life, and we fail them.”

“Hey, no, don’t talk like that. You didn’t fail, sometimes it’s not meant to be. You did your best by that patient, and gave him the best death possible in the circumstances. Giving him dignity, and his wife those last few moments, is more helpful than putting him through endless surgery, CPR and everything else,” she patted Bernie’s hand. “Come on, let’s move to the lounge and finish this wine.”

Bernie got up and put the plates into the dishwasher, starting to clear up the kitchen, but Serena stopped her. “We’ll do that later, Bernie, come and relax.”

She linked their fingers together and lead her to the sofa, picking up the wine bottle on the way. Bernie curled her feet under her as Serena went back for the glasses, and took the drink gratefully. She turned the TV on, a detective programme had just started, but Bernie was hardly concentrating on it. She rested onto Serena’s shoulder, who in turn wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her in close.

They stayed like that for a while, sipping their drinks, Serena occasionally commenting on who she thought the murderer was. She kept glancing up at Serena, marvelling at how lucky she was and wondering what it was about her that made Bernie want this domestic life so much.

“You’re not concentrating on this at all are you?” Serena smiled down at her affectionately, brushing her unruly fringe away from her eyes. “What on earth do you keep staring at me for?”

Bernie blushed and straightened herself up to look Serena in the eyes. Her voice was soft when she spoke.

“I love you, that’s all,” she bit her lower lip, knowing she sounded silly. Serena chuckled and kissed her, chaste and quick.

“For a big macho army medic, you really can be quite soppy. What am I going to do with you?”

“Marry me?” The words left her mouth before she knew what she was saying. She felt the panic rising, they hadn’t talked about this, Bernie had only just moved in officially. She went to play it off as a joke, she saw Serena gaping at her, obviously trying to find the words to say no, and she kicked herself.

“Go on then,” Serena smiled, and it was Bernie’s turn to be frozen with her jaw dropped.

She didn’t know what to say, had that really just happened? She wanted to pinch herself, check it wasn’t a dream. She could feel herself tearing up, the day’s emotion bubbling up from deep inside, mixed with a rush of pure love that made her heart hammer against her chest.

She released it all into a kiss, starting fierce, letting all of that love out to show Serena she had meant it. Serena returned the kiss with the same passion, hot and eager. They got lost in each other, the taste of wine on their tongues, Bernie’s slightly damp hair curled around Serena’s fingers, Bernie’s hands clasped at the nape of Serena’s neck.

Eventually, Bernie had to stop, pain shooting down her leg which had got trapped. She winced and Serena grinned.

“I guess that means you won’t be getting down on one knee, you might not get up again,” she laughed, as Bernie massaged her own calf, trying to speed up the return of sensation.

“Are, are you sure, Serena?” she stuttered, wanting to be absolutely certain, “I didn’t really plan it, I just, I realised today that you make me so inexplicably happy, and when you said that… I don’t know what came over me. I know we haven’t talked about it, and I don’t want to pressure you.”

Serena silenced her by pressing a finger on her lips. “I’m sure, Bernie. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to make it official. So yes, I will marry you.”

Bernie felt contentment wash over her, removing those anxious, invasive thoughts, only to feel guilty again.

“I haven’t done this properly, have I? I don’t have a ring, I didn’t even get on one knee, look at me I’m in jogging bottoms for goodness sake. I’m sorry, Serena, it wasn’t a great proposal.”

Serena felt the tears behind her eyes, Bernie looked so downcast, like she’d failed as a partner, but it simply wasn’t true.

“That was a far better proposal than anything else, Bernie, because it came from the heart. Edward did the whole expensive restaurant, ring in the champagne. It was all for his benefit to show off in front of strangers and brag to his friends. This was perfect.”

She leant towards Bernie for another kiss, this one slow and lingering. She caressed Bernie's cheek, stroking away the few tears that had crept out, and smiled against her lips.

"I love you," she murmured, as Bernie began to move along her jaw, leaving a trail of kisses up to her ear. She nibbled lightly at the lobe and whispered back, her breath hot against Serena's skin.

"I love you too," she resumed along the curve of Serena's neck down to her collar bones and her skin felt simultaneously on fire and tingling with goose bumps.

Her hands skimmed over the bottom of her vest but Serena caught her wrists. She was well aware that Bernie's back, and her own hips, would not thank them if they continued this on the sofa.

"Shall we take this somewhere more comfortable?"

Bernie looked up at her, eyes filled with love and longing. She stood, pulling Serena up with her, the wine and TV completely forgotten.

"Lead the way, Ms Campbell," she said, and linked their fingers together as Serena practically dragged her towards the stairs.

By the time they were at the bedroom, Bernie was half carrying Serena, their kisses becoming more forceful and desperate. She gently lay Serena on the bed and resumed her journey along the contour of her clavicles. This time Serena didn't stop her as she delicately moved her hands under her vest, caressing her curves as she moved the material up her stomach and over her head.

She paused momentarily, never growing tired of seeing Serena's body, her pale skin, the faint glimmer of old stretch marks, the fullness of her breasts. Tonight she wanted to worship Serena, show her how much she was loved, how beautiful she was.

Serena started to say something, but Bernie stopped her with a brief kiss. She journeyed lazily down Serena's neck, varying the pressure and feeling her pulse quicken.

Serena arched into Bernie's touch, her body responding to the slow, teasing kisses. She made a point of lingering at Serena's most sensitive points and she let out a breathy moan. Edward and Robbie had never been so attentive to her; she had enjoyed sex with them, with most of the men she'd been with in fact, but with Bernie she had discovered a whole new level of pleasure. She truly understood the term making love, that's what this act was, pure love.

Sighing, she closed her eyes, letting herself focus on Bernie’s touch. She felt the friction of her bra as she arched her back for Bernie to take it off and hearing a contented hum from her partner. She fumbled slightly at the waistband of Serena’s trousers, simultaneously kissing her breasts, Serena helping her and kicking them off onto the floor.

She tried to reach down, acutely aware that Bernie was still dressed and wanting to give her the same pleasure of hot kisses blazing over her skin. Bernie clasped both of her wrists with one hand and looked up, her eyes dark and glinting with pleasure.

“Not yet, Serena, this is about you,” she said huskily, and Serena felt an new wave of arousal wash over her, although she still pouted slightly. Bernie let out a low chuckle before teasing at the band on her underwear.

Her touch was light, tantalising, skimming around where she wanted it most. She dipped her head down, pressing kisses along her pelvic bone down to her thighs. She came close to her centre, Serena hyperaware of every contact between them, but she moved away, along the other leg.

“Bernie,” she said through a gulp, needing more but not wanting this to end.

“Patience Ms Campbell,” although her voice was barely audible, Serena could hear the smirk. Any retort left her mind, as Bernie finally ran her tongue over her core, sparks of pleasure coursing through Serena’s veins.

Bernie was lost in Serena, her taste, her sighs, the delicate softness of her skin, the way her body responded to her touch. She delighted in seeing Serena, normally the cool headed surgeon, coming apart, all due to Bernie. She became impatient then, despite having just chided Serena, wanting to hear her name on her partner’s – no, fiancée’s – lips.

Serena let out a low, guttural moan as Bernie increased the pressure, combining touch from her tongue and fingers. The pleasure washed through her, each stroke and kiss bringing her closer to the edge, and she uttered Bernie’s name over and over. As her mind clouded, Bernie’s fingers curling in just the right way, she lost all sense of time and place. Bernie was her world, this moment her eternity, and she let go, as she had to Bernie so many times before, giving her total trust to this beautiful, amazing woman.

Bernie stayed for a moment, as Serena stilled, flushed and breathless, before moving up to kiss her. She felt the vibration of Serena’s moan as she tasted herself on Bernie’s tongue. Serena regained her senses and pushed Bernie up, making quick work of her t shirt and joggers. She pulled Bernie towards her, so her legs were wrapped around her waist, kissing her eagerly and trailing her fingers over the toned muscles in her back.

She wanted to return the love Bernie had showed her, and gently shifted their position so Bernie was reclined, their legs intertwined. Bernie rubbed against Serena’s thigh, as she paid attention to each scar on Bernie’s neck and torso. She had been ashamed of them at first, Marcus had been indifferent to them, hating the reminder of Bernie’s other life that he felt she valued more than her family.

Serena often caressed each line of taught skin, saying that they told Bernie’s story, made her into who she was today. The one down the centre of her chest, paired with the one on her neck, she always spent the most time over. These were the scars that had brought them together, but had also meant they almost never met.

She gasped as Serena brought her out of her reverie by slipping her hand between the two of them and then moaned. Serena was everywhere, her short hair brushing against Bernie’s chin, her lips wet against her neck, one hand on her breast, the other setting a slow rhythm. Her arousal built and she felt herself falling apart for Serena. The tension that had been climbing through the day was released, she relaxed into the bed, her face blissful.

Serena sighed, marvelling at Bernie with all her defences down, no trace of the macho army medic. Not that Major Wolfe never appeared in the bedroom, but these moments were just as glorious, when she had given over everything to Serena.

She kissed Bernie gently, pulling her under the covers and sweeping the fringe back from her face. Bernie murmured sleepily, but Serena couldn’t make out what she was saying. She set her alarm, loathing the fact she had to work the next day, especially as it was Bernie’s day off. Bernie pulled her close, eyes closed but with an open, happy face. She melted into her arms, they fit together so perfectly, and sighed. By all accounts a normal end to a normal day, except that Berenice Griselda Wolfe, her big macho army medic, had gone completely soft and proposed in the most casual, perfect way imaginable to Serena.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Beezarre for the fic title! The chapter title is the last line from Sonnet 43 "How Do I Love Thee?" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning - it's not as morbid as it seems (She is saying she hopes to be reunited with her love after death)


	2. For Once In My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have woken up, not quite believing what happened. Their bubble of happiness can’t be burst by anything: going to work, doing dishes, none of it seems a chore anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments! I found the sheet music to the song in this, and fell in love with it. You will probably know the Stevie Wonder version. The one I’ve linked is Tony Bennett, it fitted more with the atmosphere I wanted but there’s also a version by Ella Fitzgerald that was live, have a listen to it!  
> Thank you as always Beezarre for cheering me on (and sending me motivational Bernie gifs!)

The alarm buzzed and Serena untangled herself from Bernie, trying to be quick to stop the noise, but also not wanting to jolt her awake with a sudden movement. She’d set it early, knowing Jason would be coming back from Alan’s before his shift so Serena could drive him in. She rested back onto the pillow. That gave her an extra fifteen minutes before she needed to get up.

She turned and drank in the sight of Bernie lying next to her. Hair knotted and messy, covering her face, head pressed into her pillow. There was her bedside table, with her photo frame containing the photo from Christmas, kids flanking a widely grinning Bernie.              

The picture of herself, Elinor and Jason from that day was not going to be printed. Elinor had been surly and churlish all day, muttering about mid-life crises and snot nosed army kids. It was safe to say that it had been a day of mixed emotion; Bernie had been so excited to spend Christmas with her own children, but had found everything she said met with a sneer from Elinor.

What had happened after didn’t bear thinking about, although with every cloud comes a silver lining. The accident was the reason Serena woke up almost every day (shifts allowing) with Bernie on her side of the bed, in _their_ bedroom.

Bernie had been her rock, had operated on Jason, saved his life then had to break the news to Serena. Elinor had suffered an extradural haemorrhage which had caused a haemorrhagic stroke. She didn’t think she’d ever forget the look on Bernie’s face as she had walked into that side room. She had known immediately something was wrong, the smile on her face falling, the ghost of the laugh echoing in her mind.  

Luckily, her daughter showed her usual stubbornness and against all odds had pulled through. She woke up a few hours later, but had complete right-sided weakness. She could just about weight bear, but her arm was less than useless at first. Serena had been torn between needing to be at home with Jason helping him to recover, and staying at the hospital with Elinor, desperately wanting to heal their relationship, even if she herself couldn’t heal her physical problems.

Bernie had been stoic by her side, accepting that her family came first and not complaining that Serena was spending less time with her. She could also see that Serena, whilst she thought she was juggling everything fine, was dropping things left, right and centre. She had offered to stay at Serena’s, to help with Jason whilst Serena spent more time in the hospital, attending Elinor’s physio sessions.

A few weeks later Elinor had been discharged, moving back into her old bedroom at Serena’s. At this point Bernie had said she would give them space, Elinor needed time to heal and she didn’t want to intrude on them, but Serena had asked her to stay. Jason had got used to Bernie being around, and truth be told it meant Serena didn’t have to put any time aside to specifically see Bernie, because she was there, she was home.

 Whilst Elinor’s physical health improved quickly, she still struggled with the drugs. Serena had found out quite soon after the accident, and she had been less than impressed. She thought Elinor had recovered, but evidently at university things had got out of hand again. She had mixed emotions, because Elinor had betrayed her trust, lied to her and come into the hospital under the influence, and almost killed Jason. Her first reaction had been to shout and punish her, but she knew deep down that’s what her own mother would have done. She was trying so hard not to be like her.

In the end, it was Bernie again. She was the one that helped Serena to see that there were always factors behind the drugs that could be changed, and being closer to Serena would help Elinor. She had found support groups for young people like Elinor, taken her to appointments when Serena was at work, and helped to clean up after the more unfortunate symptoms of withdrawal.

Serena had said time and again that it wasn’t Bernie’s place, she didn’t have to do it, but Bernie always gave her a stoic smile and said she didn’t mind, she knew how drugs could ruin lives and she was determined that they wouldn’t ruin Elinor’s. Serena understood, Bernie had mentioned things from the past, but although she had never fully opened up, she knew that it was Bernie’s way of trying to atone for things that had ultimately been out of her control.

It happened quite gradually, Bernie kept bringing odd things into the house, the photo appearing on the bedside table, a stack of old medical textbooks joining Serena’s in her bookcase, then they started to buy things together. A throw for the sofa that was the exact shade of Bernie’s scrubs, a new coffee machine which they picked out together after Serena’s had run out of steam. Eventually, Serena had told her to go and get everything from her flat and give her notice to the landlord.

She’d looked shocked and slightly confused. “But when Elinor’s better you won’t need me here anymore,” she had said.

“Berenice bloody Wolfe, I will always need you here, but more importantly I want you here. Will you move in with me, properly?”

It had been about a month since, and there were still a few boxes of Bernie’s that they needed to sort, mainly things that Serena already had that would probably end up in a charity shop. Elinor had moved out, fully recovered except for a slight limp that would go with time, and they had settled into a slightly odd family dynamic.

Bernie and Jason were fiercely competitive when it came to quiz shows, but Serena usually trumped them when it came to popular culture. Bernie wasn’t going to be living down the Dusty Springfield mistake, that was for sure. They made a great team, the time Bernie had spent with Jason as he was recovering had led to a wonderful trust and respect between them and had often led them to take trips together, going to an old bookstore or the local museum.

Bernie had somehow managed to completely shake up Serena’s life, but at the same time she was the piece that made everything fall into place; work, home, Elinor, Jason. All was as it should be, because of her. Now that Elinor was better, and had somewhat reluctantly agreed to make an effort with Bernie, accepting this was not a phase, Serena wanted to devote everything to Bernie. Make up for the last few weeks, when she’d been closer in distance but further away in time, worrying about the past and the future.

Bernie stirred, reaching over to close the gap between them. She opened her eyes slowly, yawning. Serena snuggled back down under the covers, she still had a few more minutes before Jason would be back. She sped up Bernie’s gradual waking by kissing her deeply, slipping her tongue into her mouth. She felt Bernie smile against her and catch her lower lip gently between her teeth.

“Morning,” she muttered, voice still thick with sleep. She closed her eyes once more, then suddenly they flew open, meeting Serena with a wild look.

“Last night, did we- was I dreaming? Did I,” Serena silenced her with a chaste kiss.

“Yes, darling, you proposed.” Her hazel eyes quietened and a shy half-smile appeared on her lips. “No regrets I hope, Ms Wolfe?”

“Only that you have to go to work now.” She pouted as the front door opened and Jason called up to them.

Serena got out of bed, pulling on her robe to go to the shower. Bernie got up, offering to get breakfast.

“You should rest, you had a long day yesterday.” Serena protested, but Bernie refused.

“If I’m tired I’ll go back to bed when you’ve left, but you know me, hunger beats tiredness every time.”

They both laughed and Serena entered the bathroom, knowing that it was going to take a lot to wipe the smile off her face today.

Bernie pulled on her pyjamas and went downstairs, turning on the coffee maker and started making breakfast for them.

“Good morning Bernie, is Auntie Serena getting ready?”

“Yes, she’s in the shower now, she won’t be late.”

Jason seemed reassured, then furrowed his brow when he saw all the dishes from the night before.

“Didn’t you clear up last night? What happened?”

Bernie flushed slightly, not really knowing what to say.

“Sorry, Jason, we were tired….” She trailed off. “I’ll put the dishwasher on after breakfast. I’m making scrambled eggs; would you like some?”

“No thank you, I had Weetabix at Alan’s. I’ll get ready for work now.”

She heard him going upstairs and greeting Serena on the stairs. A moment later she felt Serena’s arms around her waist, a hot breath next to her ear. Her hair was wet and flat against her head, Bernie turned and ran her hands through it, kissing Serena gently, whilst trying to stir the pan behind her.

“We should tell him.” Serena murmured, breaking away from Bernie to let her carry on with the task at hand.

“Hm?”

“When he comes back down, let’s tell Jason, together, if you’re okay with that?”

Bernie gave her a small half smile, looking up through her fringe. Part of her wanted to keep it a secret, a special thing between the two of them, but she also wanted to tell every person she met on the street, Serena Campbell wanted to marry her.

“Of course,” she replied, and although it seemed like a simple, short response, Serena knew that this was big for Bernie. She stroked her wrist and then poured two mugs of coffee. Bernie plated up breakfast and they sat at the table, feet intertwined underneath.

*

Serena practically bounced upstairs to finish getting ready. Bernie found that even doing dishes and clearing up the kitchen was an enjoyable task and she turned the radio on.

_“And now, time for Moira’s Golden Oldie”_

She wasn’t really listening to the story behind why the listener had chosen the song, but the [first few notes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LId47zizlP0) transported her back to her childhood. Her parents had sung this so many times and she knew it by heart, although over the years she’d only ever heard the faster version on the radio. Her parents had this slow recording on vinyl, and they would dance, holding each other close, lost in time.

She began to sing along in her soft alto, and felt a new wave of emotion hit her, not just nostalgia, but a direct connection between her and the lyrics.

 _For once in my life I have someone who needs me_  
_Someone I’ve needed so long_  
_For once unafraid I can go where life leads me_  
_Somehow, I know I’ll be strong_

She thought about everything that had happened since she had returned to civilian life. ‘How wonderful life would be if only I was brave enough,’ she’d said to Dom, the day Alex had turned up. She still hadn’t been brave then. Yes, she’d ended her marriage, but she couldn’t admit the truth, couldn’t bring herself to contact Alex. She’d been scared, after she kissed Serena, after she realised Serena loved her and more importantly she loved her back. She couldn’t bring herself to say those words then but she wasn’t scared any more.

 _For once I can touch, what my heart used to dream of_  
_Long before I knew_  
_Oh someone warm like you_  
_Would make my dream come true._

She sensed another presence in the kitchen, and Serena’s voice filled the room. Her dream, she needed Serena, and Serena needed her. They had each other’s back, and it would be like that forever.

_For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me  
Not like it's hurt me before _

_For once I have someone I know won't desert me  
I’m not alone anymore_

She pulled Serena close, taking her hand and resting the other on her shoulder, foreheads touching as they began to sing together, Bernie putting in a lower harmony, Serena’s sweet soprano complimenting it perfectly.

 _For once I can say_  
_This is mine you can’t take it_  
_As long as I know I have love I can make it_  
_For once in my life I have someone who needs me._

They were moving around the kitchen slowly, effortlessly, as one. As the last chords faded away to be replaced by the chatter of the presenters they stilled, but didn’t break away from each other. Serena’s arm was wound around Bernie’s waist, holding her flush against her body, Bernie had moved her free hand to cradle the back of her head. She kissed Serena, lingering and chaste, not wanting to smudge her lipstick.

“I’ve only ever heard the Stevie Wonder version of that,” she said, breaking the atmosphere before they got lost in it completely and made her late for work. “That was beautiful though, it makes you think about the words more.”

“It was my parents’ song, I never really got the words, until now. I can do anything now, with you.”

“Who are you and what have you done with the real Ms Wolfe?” Serena chuckled at Bernie’s rare outpouring of feeling. She stroked her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear, leaning closer for another kiss when Jason coughed loudly behind them.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Yes, Jason, just one thing before we leave.” He sighed, but knew that protesting would only mean they took longer.

“Last night, after dinner,” she started, suddenly a lump stuck in her throat, she couldn’t tell if it was nerves or excitement to say the words out loud. Bernie linked their fingers, squeezing in silent support. She was boosted and cleared her throat. “Bernie asked me to marry her, and I said yes.”

She looked up at Bernie to meet her warm smile then turned back to Jason, who was frowning.

“Is, is that a problem, Jason?” She was worried, maybe this was too much of a change for him, too soon after Bernie had moved in. She felt Bernie tense next to her, Jason was a priority and if he wasn’t happy then they wouldn’t do it.

“Not really, but if Bernie proposed why aren’t you wearing a ring?”

Bernie relaxed and answered for her. “I hadn’t planned it, Jason, it was spontaneous and I haven’t bought Serena a ring, yet.”

Jason smiled, “Oh, that’s okay then. I’m very excited that you are going to get married Auntie Serena. Everyone at work will be as well.”

“I’m glad, but would you mind not telling everyone just yet, it’s all very new, we haven’t told Elinor, or Cam or Charlotte.”

“I understand, Auntie Serena, shall we go?”

He turned and made towards the car. Serena faced Bernie once more.

“I’ll ring Elinor when I get to work, enjoy your day off darling,” she leant in for one last kiss and Bernie smiled.

“I shall, I also have some phone calls to make.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, Serena is in a very good mood at work, causing speculation on the ward


	3. Walking on Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The AAU staff think they’ve been transported to a parallel reality, nothing seems to put a dampener on Serena’s good mood, not even a phone call with Elinor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments! They totally make my day :) sorry this chapter has taken so long, I’ve had it written for a while, but motivation for writing and editing was spent on other fics (and then I sort of forgot about it? Ooops)  
> Thank you as always Beezarre for cheering me on, dragging me into more tv shows and generally being great :)

Serena had a meeting with the board, always a drag, especially first thing in the morning but she was floating and nothing could sink her happiness today. She managed it without her usual coffee, and merely pursed her lips when one of them tried to – what was it Elinor had called it? Mansplain? – an accounting concept that she was quite familiar with. She was glad these meetings were less frequent since she had stepped down as deputy CEO, as they were long and tedious and never seemed to achieve anything.

She let her mind wander, planning how she was going to tell Elinor. She wasn’t sure how her daughter would react: Elinor had come to terms with her relationship, had seen how Bernie helped through her recovery and knew how happy Serena was. But she was stubborn and still not entirely comfortable around Bernie. It was a stilted relationship, although Bernie didn’t seem to mind, commenting that it was similar to the rapport she had with her own daughter after the divorce.

She was brought out of her thoughts by Hanssen standing, followed by the rest of the board. She shook their hands, thanking them for the funding they had eventually agreed to send to AAU’s budget. The trauma unit was a huge success but expensive, with extra staff and equipment being needed every month.

She made her way down to AAU, ready to start the ward round but her pager bleeped before she got there. The red phone was ringing, she sighed, hoping she’d manage to catch a break to call Elinor at lunch.

*

The AAU staff were stunned. By all accounts, today had been terrible. Every bed was full, two trauma cases, an incredibly angry patient who had their elective surgery cancelled and a delirious patient that was getting more aggressive and confused as the day went on. The agency nurse had taken three attempts to put a cannula in before Serena had taken over, but without any complaint or berating from her. She gently showed her where she was going wrong, explaining the procedure carefully. Every adversity had been met with a smile and Serena was flitting around the ward with a spring in her step.

“Has she had some sort of personality transplant?” Fletch mused at the nurses’ station, where he and Morven were looking over a patient file. Serena was explaining to a patient, for the fourth time that day, the importance of giving up smoking for her COPD. On a normal day, this would be left to a junior, she’d have given up after the first attempt, come out with a sarcastic remark and an eye roll.

“She does seem in an incredibly good mood, despite everything that’s happened today and with Bernie having a day off too.” While they kept things strictly professional at work, save for affectionate touches and glances across the ward, both of them acted a little differently when their partner wasn’t on shift with them. Bernie became more reserved, whilst Serena had a slightly shorter fuse than usual.

“She’s been grinning like a Cheshire cat all day, my bet is that she had a particularly good wake up this morning.” Fletch winked at Morven, who clipped him round the head with the file. “Well, go on then, what do you think it is?”

“She just has this sort of glow about her, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I’m telling you, I put a fiver on it being, you know, afterglow.” This earned him another clip, this time from Raf, who had been called down from Keller for a consult.

“Fletch, may I ask why you are betting on whether people have had sex?” Fletch grinned, he was Holby’s bookie after all, and decided to have a bit of fun.

“Serena has been in a fantastic mood all day, despite pretty much everything going wrong. We were just speculating as to what might have caused this rare good humour.”

“And of course, your mind goes to the gutter, honestly. Well, Ric was at a funding meeting this morning which she attended. Maybe AAU is going to be getting extra money to play with. That would put her in a good mood.”

“Raf, do you honestly think that’s enough to make Serena Campbell smile sweetly at a family member who was disagreeing with her diagnosis because of what they’d read on the internet?”

Morven was still watching Serena, thoughtful. “Alright Fletch, you’re on. I bet you a fiver that Ms Wolfe and Ms Campbell are engaged.”

“What?!” Raf and Fletch looked at her incredulously.

“She has been happier ever since Bernie got back from Kiev, even more so once Elinor had recovered and Bernie moved in properly. I couldn’t work it out at first but I’ve just realised, I recognise her expression: as if nothing matters because something so much better has happened, that every minor setback pales in comparison. It’s how I felt when Arthur and I got engaged, trust me. You two are so dense when it comes to reading other people,” she rolled her eyes as Fletch offered his hand.

“You’re on. Raf, you want to put in anything for your theory?” He shook his head, Morven had made a good point and he knew Serena well enough that no amount of funding would stop her being annoyed for long.

*

Serena could see the three of them from across the ward, they were evidently talking about her, the way they kept glancing down at the computer every time she looked up. She saw a handshake between Morven and Fletch, who was looking very pleased with himself. Evidently, some sort of bet was going on. She could make a pretty good guess as to what it was about, but she had no intention of putting them out of their misery.

Not that she wanted to keep it from them, but first she had to ring Elinor, and also, she wanted to be with Bernie when they made the announcement. Although she’d been on AAU for many years now, with Bernie co-leading it really was their adopted family. She often compared the two of them to Raf and Fletch, co-parenting their staff as those two were co-parenting Fletch’s children.

She left them to it, going to Pulses for her lunch break. She didn’t want anyone to walk into the office while she was talking to Elinor, she still accused Serena of putting work first and any interruptions would do nothing to help that idea.

She sat on the bench outside the main reception, where she and Bernie had their first coffee together, at the end of a long shift. How things had changed, she’d still been with Robbie at that point, and Bernie was married.

She rang Elinor, who picked up quickly.

“Hi darling, I’m not interrupting anything I hope?” Elinor had thrown herself back into uni work, determined not to retake the year, despite the accident.

“No, Mum. What’s up?”

“I’ve got some news. Um, Bernie and I are going to get married.”

There was a short pause on the end of the line, as if Elinor was thinking carefully about what she was going to say next.

“I didn’t realise you wanted to get married again, after what happened with Dad.”

“I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“Why now, then?” Elinor cut her off, almost snapping, a slight edge in her voice.

“Bernie asked, and, well we’re not getting any younger. It feels right, for me. I want it to be official.”

“Hmmm, as long as you don't go over the top with the wedding. You remember how awful Dad's was, I still cringe every time I see the photos.” The edge in her voice had gone, Elinor was incredibly fickle, her emotions and opinions changed as quickly as they appeared.

“Oh, but Ellie you looked like such a princess in that dress, matching with Liberty’s little nieces.” She couldn’t keep the laugh in, especially not when she heard Elinor scoff.

“I look like I’d had a chiffon-based anaphylactic shock and you know it. And salmon? Really? She knew it wouldn’t suit my complexion.”

“Don’t worry, I’d never do anything like that to you, and besides you’ve met Bernie. Do you really think she’s going to go for that kind of thing?”

“I guess not. When did it happen? The engagement?”

“Last night, I wanted to tell you as soon as possible.” Another pause from Elinor.

“Thank you,” she said simply, clearly thinking back to what she’d said before she’d got into that car, about Serena never telling her anything. “I am happy for you, Mum.” Her voice was barely audible.

“What was that?”

“I’m happy for you. I know I’ve been difficult about it, but seeing you together, after everything you’ve done for me, sacrificed for me…You both deserve to do something for yourselves now.”

“Thank you, Ellie, it means a lot.”

“I’d better go, bye Mum. And thanks…for telling me.”

“Bye, love.”

She hung up the call to see a text from Bernie.

**How’s the ward running without me? Not spoken to mine just yet, typically glued to their phones until you actually want to contact them. Love you x**

**Barely noticed you weren’t here ;) Elinor is happy for us, as long as she doesn’t have to wear pink! Would you join us in Albie’s later, I don’t think I can keep it from the rest of them much longer. Love you too xxx**

She got an indignant response as she was going up to AAU which made her chuckle. She found the ward pretty much as she’d left it, Raf was still chatting at the nurses’ station.

“Albie’s after we’re done here, first round is on me.” She announced as she strode past, but she didn’t miss the surprised looks on all of their faces and the huddle they formed after, evidently discussing what could possibly have happened to prompt Serena to buy them all a drink.

*

Cam picked up the fifth time she rang him.

“Mum, what’s happened, are you alright?” She could hear the worry in his voice, he had good reason. She rarely rang without texting first, but she couldn’t work out what to write so she’d cut out the middle man.

“I’m fine, don’t worry nothing’s happened, well, it has, but nothing bad, I just wanted to tell you over the phone rather than text.”

“Mum, slow down you’re rambling.” He chuckled, trying to put Bernie at ease, sensing she was nervous.

“Sorry, I’ve, um, I’ve got some news.” She paused, bouncing her leg to release the nervous energy building up inside her. She stood, pacing up and down the room, not realising she hadn’t spoken for a long moment.

“Mum, I know I said stop rambling, but the general idea is if you have something to tell, you use words.”

“I proposed,” there, she’d said it. She wasn’t sure why she’d been so worried.

“To….”

“To the Pope, who do you think?” This conversation was not going as she’d planned in her head.

“And what did she say?”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s good. You didn’t mention you were thinking about it, I mean, Lottie and I could have helped pick a ring.”

“I wasn’t really thinking about it, I just kind of blurted it out. You know me, preparation and thinking about things always stop me doing them.”

“True, congratulations Mum, I’m really pleased for both of you. Have you told Lottie yet?”

“I can’t get hold of her, I assume she’s in lectures. Maybe, when you’re both free we could meet up, with Elinor and Jason. You know, go out and celebrate.”

“That’s a great idea, I’ll let you know when I’ve got a couple of days off. Leave a message for Lottie, five missed calls from you will only make her think there’s something wrong with you, or that she’s in trouble.”

“Good point. How’s work going?”

“Oh, too many patients, not enough staff, you know how it is. I’m on a break at the moment, I’ve been in surgery all morning.”

“I’d better let you get back to it then, don’t want you to be caught slacking.” She laughed. “I’m proud of you, Cam.”

“I’m proud of you too, Mum. Serena’s so good for you, everyone can see that.”

“She is, thank you. Have a good shift, love.”

“Bye,” he rang off and Bernie smiled. She really hoped Charlotte would be as pleased. She had no problem with Bernie being in a new relationship and got on with Serena, but it had been quite clear over Christmas that she did not like Elinor. They were very different people, but both with strong personalities and they had clashed.

She dialled her number again, but it still went to voicemail.

“Hi, Lottie. Sorry for ringing so many times, I just need to tell you something, can you give me a ring back when you’re free? Nothing’s wrong, okay? Bye.”

She checked the clock, she still had a few hours before she was meeting everyone at Albie’s, and she’d spent the morning doing jobs around the house: putting the laundry on, watering the plants and hoovering. She didn’t really fancy doing anymore housework, it was such a lovely spring day and it seemed a shame to spend it inside.

She donned her pink coat and locked the door behind her. She strolled into town, taking her time and enjoying the spring colours. The blossom on the trees was gently fluttering to the ground in the light breeze. There was a freshness in the air, the season was turning properly. _A new start,_ Bernie mused, _everything changing and having a new life, after a harsh winter._

She wasn’t sure where she was going in town, hadn’t really planned further than wanting to walk. She hated window shopping, she preferred going into stores with a purpose. She reached the high street and decided on some people watching. She sat outside at a café and ordered a coffee, resting back in her chair. It was a weird feeling, seeing people hurrying past, talking furiously into their phones, young families with children in pushchairs, couples walking hand in hand, as if she had a tiny clip of their life, watching from afar.

Every one of them had a story to tell, she liked to speculate about who they were and she wondered what people thought when they saw her. Alone, middle aged woman sitting at a café, what impression did she give? Was there anyone else wandering past that was just as elated as she was? She sipped her coffee, smiling to herself. She knew where she was going next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Chiffon-based anaphylactic shock’ is a quote from Miranda, I love that show and I use that phrase all the time in real life, I just had to put it in! Next up, see where Bernie is going and they announce their news to the staff at Holby.


	4. Shout it from the rooftops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They can’t keep their engagement from the rest of the hospital for much longer, but they hadn’t quite realised how much money was about to exchange hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooops! This has been a major facepalm moment, when I was talking to Beezarre about fics I needed/wanted to write, I looked in the folder for this fic and discovered I had already written this chapter, several weeks (if not months) ago. And forgotten.   
> I have been so busy recently, and was focussing on the Prom fic, that it slipped my mind, sorry! But here you go, I hope you enjoy, your comments on the first few chapters have been lovely and they do encourage me to keep writing, I’ve just been a bit off the ball recently.

Bernie pushed open the door of the jewellers across the road from the café. There was another customer paying, so she started to browse, before the assistant came over. She wanted to get something that suited Serena. She started looking at the classic diamonds but nothing stood out.

“Hi, can I help you? Those are our engagement rings.” The other customer had left, and the assistant had approached.

“Yes, I know, I’m just browsing at the moment, looking for the right one.”

“Of course, is your partner meeting you here then?” Bernie turned to look at the man, an older gentleman with receding grey hair, looking at her over the top of his half-moon spectacles. She was slightly confused by his question.

“No, I’m here on my own.”

“Ah, don’t trust him to make the right decision?” It suddenly dawned on her, he thought she was looking for a ring for herself.

Alex had once said to her that even once you are comfortable and open about your sexuality, you find yourself having to ‘come out’ to many people, complete strangers, so that you don’t feel like you’re hiding yourself. In some situations, it was easier not to, to avoid awkward questions or potential disagreement and abuse, and Bernie tended towards that option.

Something felt different now she was with Serena, though. She not only felt comfortable telling this man, she _wanted_ to, she was proud to say it. If he didn’t approve then it was simple, he wouldn’t be getting any of her money.

“Actually, no, I’m looking to buy a ring for my partner. I proposed to her last night.” She smiled, it was odd saying it out loud, seeing the reaction on his face. He started off stunned, tilted his head slightly as if sussing her out, then rearranged his face quickly into an apologetic smile.

"Right, sorry, yes, I didn't realise, you don't look...well anyway, what sort of ring would you like? Do you know her ring size?"

She paused, what would she like? She thought about ring size, she didn't know it exactly but they wore the same size gloves in theatre, so she could try it on herself.

"I think something with a coloured stone, if you've got anything?"

He nodded and directed her to a different cabinet filled with various rings, emerald, ruby, amethyst. She scoured them, maybe a red to match her favourite wine? Then the lowest row caught her eye. Sapphire. The rich blue matched the trauma unit scrubs, and would complement the reds that frequently appeared in Serena's wardrobe. She looked at the different styles of ring and one stood out in particular. A large, oval stone, flanked by small diamonds set into the white gold band, five on either side of the sapphire.

She pointed to it and he smiled.

“A lovely choice, classic design with just a hint of modern elegance.”

She nodded, the butterflies in her stomach started with excitement. It made everything seem more real, something that she could look at, on Serena’s finger, to remind her of everything she had, the future that was planned out for her. She wondered whether she should have waited, maybe Serena would rather have bought her one at the same time? Should she have talked about this before acting? She thought back to the conversation with Cam, she did tend to jump in head first because once she started planning she got too caught up in what ifs and anxieties to act on anything at all.

She told herself to stop worrying, she was sure Serena would like the ring. She checked her watch, she had about an hour before meeting them at Albie's, she thanked the assistant, who congratulated her and wished her happiness in the future. She pottered around a few more shops, buying some fairly boring essentials in Boots, and a new shirt for work in the sales.

*

She strolled to the hospital, Serena had said the team were running a bit late so she first went up to ICU. Mr Gilbert hadn’t made it through the night, but the nurse that had cared for him said his wife had been there the whole time, and he hadn’t been in any pain. She thanked her, Serena was right; giving him a dignified, painless death was the best they could have done for him.

She found the team on AAU doing the handover for the night shift, Serena was doing some paperwork in the office as Morven was more than capable of giving all the relevant information.

She knocked gently on the door and slipped in, seeing Serena's face light up when she realised who her intruder was. She glanced at the ward through the blinds, everyone was focussed in the board, so she crossed the room and embraced Serena, allowing herself to press their lips together and tangle her fingers in her hair.

"I thought I told you to meet me at Albie's?" She said, but there was no hint of annoyance on her voice.

"I wasn't going to sit in there on my own, definite sign of alcoholism that would be," Bernie replied. "And I thought you might like a hand with the paperwork.”

Serena raised an eyebrow at this, Bernie was getting better with her filing but she did not believe for one second that she would volunteer to do it on her day off. Bernie smirked back at her.

"Alright, I'll be honest with you. I couldn't wait to see you, and I have something for you." Her smirk turned softer, her shy half smile that lit up her eyes. She unbuttoned her coat, suddenly feeling warm, and reached into the pocket. Serena was looking at her quizzically, then her eyes widened when she saw the small blue box Bernie had produced from it.

"Bernie, you didn't have to..."

"I wanted to, Serena," she paused, about to get down on one knee when Serena stopped her by catching both her wrists.

"You don't have to do that Bernie, I've already said yes." She wanted to save Bernie from any grand speeches, she didn't need to hear them to know how Bernie felt. She captured her in a deep kiss and when she pulled away Bernie opened the box and held the ring delicately. She took Serena's left hand and slipped the ring on. She'd used her own finger as a measurement for the size and she'd been right, it fitted Serena perfectly.

"It's beautiful," Serena whispered and Bernie smiled, brushing away a tear threatening to escape from Serena's eye.

"Just like you," she whispered back.

A knock on the door brought them apart, Fletch entered.

"Sorry to disturb, ladies, but handover's done and you did promise us a drink," he grinned, of course he wouldn't let her forget.

"Alright, we're coming, let me get my coat." Serena replied and Fletch left. She shrugged on her coat and grabbed her bag. She then stuck her hand in her coat pocket, earning a questioning look from Bernie, who had just reached out to take it.

"There's money on us being engaged, I'd rather announce it properly to everyone, rather than someone spotting the ring and it going around the hospital before we've got to Albie's," she explained, offering her other hand.

They met the rest of the ward and walked down to the bar with them. Serena went to the bar, Bernie helping her to carry the drinks back. Most people were there, from other wards as well. Even Hanssen had made a rare appearance, talking seriously with Ric in one corner. There was a lively atmosphere, and it buoyed Serena's mood even more. She tilted her head at Bernie, silently asking if she was ready.

She stood at the bar, Bernie by her side, fingers interlinked. She cleared her throat loudly, trying to get people's attention.

"Evening, everyone!" She called, and gradually the bar quietened, she still had a voice which commanded attention when she wanted. "I know we’ve all had a long day and I’ll let you get back to your drinks as soon as possible.”

She paused, locking eyes with Bernie who gave her a small nod, she didn’t mind Serena making this announcement. She had settled in well at the hospital, but Serena had been here longer and she was far more comfortable talking to her colleagues like this. Bernie preferred addressing big teams for professional purposes.

“We’d just like to let you all know that we are going to get married.” They both grinned, most of the staff applauded and cheered, there was definitely an _‘About time!’_ coming from Dom. The thing that caught Serena’s eye was the definite exchange of money between Fletch and Morven, the latter looking very pleased with herself.

It wasn’t just those two, Bernie saw Jac receiving money from Ollie Valentine, and Hanssen was reluctantly handing a crisp note over to Ric, who was grinning at the two women delightedly. Hanssen then leant over to the bartender, asking for a few bottles of bubbly and enough glasses for everyone.

The background noise was slowly rising again, several people queuing up to get their glass and offer their congratulations to the two of them. Ric was first, shaking Bernie’s hand and embracing Serena.

“It feels like a long time since we were sat at this bar and you told me about Bernie, I still remember your shy smile and the way your eyes lit up. I’m so glad that you both put your fears aside, you are a wonderful couple.”

“Thank you, Ric, although I’m not going to forgive you for suggesting that I may be interested in Hanssen.” They both laughed and he turned to Bernie.

“I mean it, Bernie, even then I said you were a fine woman, and although I’m sure we’ll have many more professional disagreements in the future, I know you’ve made Serena very happy. You both deserve this.”

Bernie smiled gratefully as he rested a hand on her shoulder, before moving to let their AAU family, along with Raf, envelop them in a huge hug.

“I knew it!” squealed Morven as she threw her arms around Bernie. “Serena has been on cloud nine the whole day, you should have seen her!”

At this Bernie quirked an eyebrow at Serena, who was being squeezed half to death by Fletch.

“I managed the whole shift with only one coffee,” she grinned proudly and Fletch laughed.

“It’s been an odd day, Ms Wolfe.”

Eventually they were allowed to go and sit down, once what felt like most of the hospital had spoken to them, and Hanssen had toasted to their happiness.

They collapsed into a booth with Morven, Fletch, Raf and Lou, pressing their shoulders together and looking at one another adoringly. They sipped their drinks quietly, smiling as Morven teased Fletch about finally losing a bet.

It didn’t last for long, as Bernie felt her phone starting to buzz in her pocket. She quickly pulled it out and saw Charlotte’s name flash up on the screen. Serena noticed as well and stood to let her out knowing she would want to take the call outside, where it was quiet. She was about to sit back down when she felt Bernie’s fingers around her wrist, encouraging her to follow.

“Hi, Lottie, thanks for calling back,” she started, just as they were going through the door. She leant against the wall, her typical stance with one arm across her body. Serena huddled close, trying not to listen to the conversation, but needing some warmth against the spring evening chill.

“Sorry, Mum, I’ve been in the library all day. I’ve got a paper due next week.”

“No worries, love, like I said I’ve got something to tell you,” again she paused, sending up a silent prayer that Charlotte would take it well, but she never got the words out.

“I assume you and Serena have got engaged?” She could hear Charlotte’s smile but she stuttered over the next sentence.

“Wha-, how, did Cam?” She laughed, a similar honk to Bernie’s although not quite as loud.

“I’m right then? Cam didn’t say anything, but it doesn’t take a genius to work out,” Bernie was still stood with her mouth half open in shock. “You call me to say nothing’s wrong, you need to talk and it’s not something you can say over text because otherwise you’d have texted. This comes a few months after you move in with your partner, with whom you are madly in love. I put two and two together, and got four.”

There was a slightly smug tone in her voice and Bernie chuckled. Charlotte had always been observant and had excellent judgement and analytical skills. She was currently putting these talents to good use at law school, where Bernie knew she was excelling.

“Alright, no need to show off,” Bernie had found her voice again. “Are you okay with this?”

“Mum, you don’t need my permission, but of course I am. I’m glad you’re finally content and settled and I like Serena. I knew you weren’t happy with Dad for the last few years, I just wish you’d admitted it sooner. I was angry because you’d had the affair and lied, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you in the divorce.”

Bernie felt her heart rate slow, partly due to Charlotte’s words, but also thanks to Serena gently stroking the back of her hand.

“If you’ve got time after your paper’s done, would you like to come down and see us? I suggested to Cam we could all go out for a meal, with Elinor and Jason as well if they’re available,” she glanced at Serena, realising she hadn’t run this past her, but she was nodding and whispered in her ear.

“Serena says you can stay with us in the spare room if you’d like.”

“That sounds nice, Mum, although I hope Elinor will be a little more respectful towards you, especially after everything you and Serena have done for her. I know I wasn’t great, but she has been downright rude to you and that’s not fair.”

“She had her reasons, and she’s getting the help she needs. Please say you’ll come, for me?”

Charlotte sighed, she had made it clear she wasn’t keen on Elinor, especially not her ‘coping’ methods. She knew Bernie had wanted to help Elinor through the addiction and rehab, as far as she would let her, as if she was making up for the past.

“Of course I will, Mum, text me. I’ll let you get back to your celebrations.” The door had opened, a few nurses coming out for a cigarette, and the music was clearly audible down the phone.

“Thanks Lottie, love you.”

“I love you too, Mum. Speak soon, bye.”

As she hung up the phone, Serena cuddled closer. She pulled her in, capturing her lips in a light kiss which Serena deepened, slipping her tongue between Bernie’s lips. She turned so Bernie was pressed against the wall, a small moan escaping.

A cough disturbed them, Hanssen was standing just next to them. They hadn’t heard him coming out of the bar, although they weren’t sure if this was due to his stealth or them being completely lost in each other. They broke apart, like teenagers that had been caught behind the bike sheds by a teacher.

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies. Congratulations to both of you. When you asked to lead the ward with Ms. Wolfe, who would have thought we would end up here. I know you’ve had a tough year so far, and I think you deserve a few days off, together, to celebrate properly. Let me know when would suit you both, over the next few weeks, and I’ll arrange for Mr Griffin to cover the ward.”

He nodded at both of them and bid them goodnight, stalking across the car park with long strides.

“Well, Ms Campbell, what would you like to do with those few days off?”

"You know what, we've never had a holiday. Shall we see if we can find a cottage or a little B&B? We're still in spring, places shouldn't be booked up, especially not if we go midweek. How does that sound?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth," she smiled but became concerned when she felt a shiver run over Serena's body. "Let's get back inside, we've got drinks in there, although Fletch may have stolen them by now."

She tucked an arm around her shoulders, entering the bar to find their glasses where they'd left them. The settled back into the booth, watching with amusement as Fletch challenged Raf to a round of darts. Neither were particularly good.  

Bernie drained the rest of her glass and motioned to the bar, asking Serena if she wanted another. She shook her head and leaned in, her breath hot in her ear.

"The Shiraz at home is much cheaper, and there's no chance of being interrupted by tall Swedes."

Bernie swallowed, feeling the flush creeping up her chest. Serena’s eyes had darkened, and she was sure hers were the same.

“Are you okay to drive back?”

Serena nodded and they stood, saying good night to Morven and Lou and left, Bernie’s hand on the small of Serena’s back, moving slightly lower and resting below the hem of her coat. Serena turned, trying to fix Bernie with a serious stare.

“I won’t be if you move your hands any lower, Ms Wolfe.” Bernie smirked in response, but knew better than to go any further.

“If they didn’t have mind blowing sex this morning, they’re certainly about to now,” Fletch muttered to Raf, who punched him lightly on the arm.

“You really need to get out more, mate.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is pretty much done as well, and I know where I want to go with this fic, but I’ve been slightly sidetracked by a) real life and exams and b) Kate Stewart fic. I’ll pick it up properly when I’m done for Christmas and have more time to write :)


	5. Whisper to the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is being posted on 1st of January, however I finished it last week, and so this takes the number of words I have written in 2017 (and also, ever) over 100 000. I can't believe it, having only started writing in April, but thank you all for the encouragement and just generally being amazing. 
> 
> Bit of a filler chapter this one, but have some reflective Bernie :)

The drive home was short, the tension between them building. Jason had got the bus home and already had dinner, reheating the leftover curry Serena had left for him. By the time they got back he was in his room, watching quiz shows, as was his custom on a Friday night.  Serena just about managed to open the front door, the task made much harder by Bernie pressing hot, wet kisses against her neck, hands skimming over her waistband.

Serena grabbed her by the wrists and pulled her upstairs, calling out a greeting to Jason on their way past. Bernie half pushed her into their bedroom, pinning her against the wall and fumbling to help remove her coat. They kicked off their own shoes, bags deposited on the floor, shortly followed by coats and Serena’s blouse.

Their kisses were deep and passionate, both running their hands over the other’s body, teasing through the material. Serena became impatient with the lack of skin contact, tugging Bernie’s shirt out from her jeans and over her head. She traced over the lace of her bra, using the momentary lapse in concentration from Bernie as she groaned to gain the upper hand.

She pushed Bernie back from the wall and onto the bed, pulling her jeans off before straddling her. She kissed her desperately, biting her lower lip then moved lower, leaving a trail of marks along her collarbone and chest. Bernie started to reach to undo her bra, but Serena caught both her hands and pulled them above her head.

“You won’t be needing those, Ms Wolfe,” she practically growled and she felt the heat of her arousal increase as Bernie nodded and licked her lips.

“Fuck, Serena…. please,” Bernie moaned as she grasped at the pillow behind her head, trying not to reach out and touch Serena. “I want to see you,”

She obliged, taking off her cami and bra before resuming her kisses along Bernie’s torso and abdomen. Bernie’s heart rate was getting faster, her breathing more erratic, as Serena got closer to her underwear. She removed it quickly, knowing Bernie didn’t need any teasing.

Bernie lay her head back, closed her eyes and focused on Serena. She rolled her hips, arching into her touch and sighing as she felt her touching her most sensitive spots. She was quick, using her tongue and fingers to bring Bernie close to the edge, filling her then kissing, increasing the pressure just so, and Bernie fell apart, shuddering with flushed skin.

*

Serena watched Bernie again, the next morning. She smiled, the night truly had turned into one of raw, sweaty, unadulterated, vigorous passion. She hoped Jason hadn’t been disturbed, they had been as quiet as possible, but at some point, they had both become lost in the moment, in each other. She doubted he would say anything; quite early in their relationship, after Bernie had stayed over, she had asked Jason if he wanted anything from the shop. He had quite pointedly replied ‘ _perhaps some earplugs? You were up quite late last night, and I could hear you talking to Bernie a lot.’_ Bernie’s face had gone bright red at the time. Serena giggled at the memory, although it had been rather mortifying.  

She took the opportunity to trace patterns over Bernie’s shoulders and back, joining up the freckles and scars peppered over the skin. The peace of the early morning, before the rest of the world was awake, settled over her and she sighed. She glanced over at the clock, there was still a while before the alarm went off, sending them into the regular morning routine. Her eyes settled on the ring box on her bedside table, she opened it and slipped it onto her finger, admiring how it sat there. She pondered for a moment, then she snuck out of bed, trying not to disturb Bernie.

She padded through to the spare room, looking through the drawers in there until she had found what she wanted. By the time she got back to bed, Bernie was slowly blinking, looking around for Serena. She got under the covers again and kissed her sweetly.

“Good morning, darling. I’ve got something to give you,” she stroked her cheek with her thumb. Bernie frowned and sat up as Serena presented her with the small, slightly battered box.

She opened it, presented with a simple round diamond, set in a clasp on a platinum ring, details in the metalwork around three tiny stones on each side. She looked up at Serena, confusion and love mixing in her expression.

“Serena, where…” she stopped, making an educated guess as to whose ring this was. The old box, the vintage classic design.

“It was my mum’s,” Serena said simply, taking it out of the box and sliding it onto Bernie’s finger.

“I can’t take this, Serena, it’s beautiful, but it’s your family’s. You should pass it down…” Serena shushed her with a kiss and looked deep in her eyes.

“You are my family, I want you to have it. It suits you, beautiful, elegant,”

“Old?” she smirked, as she held it up to the light, getting used to seeing a ring on her hand again.

“Never, because that would make me old too. I’m serious Bernie, I don’t want it sitting in a drawer. Elinor wouldn’t want it, she’s not sentimental at all. I can’t think of anyone that I’d rather give it to.”

Bernie smiled and fiddled with the ring. It was a little loose, but they could take it to a jeweller to change the size, that wasn’t a problem. She knew what a huge impact Adrienne had had on Serena, they’d talked about it a lot, especially after Bernie had seen the scars on her back. It always made her heart clench with guilt that Serena had been alone through her mother’s illness.

It had taken Bernie a little longer to open up about her own parents. She had been lucky, in some respects, neither had developed dementia although she had lost her mother to cancer when she was still in medical school. Her father had kept her going, she’d come close to dropping out but she didn’t want to disappoint him.

Making her parents proud had been important to Bernie, all the way through her life. She couldn’t let them down, she had to respect her mother’s memory. She had done everything right, by all accounts, married a kind, caring man, excelled in her job, followed her father into the army and had two wonderful children. Both of her parents had always said that all they wanted was for her to be happy, and she was. Well, she guessed she was, because that’s what everyone had told her, and that was fine.

She had never quite shaken the feeling that she’d let them down because she had hidden herself. Her father had experienced enough disappointment and lost too many loved ones in his life, though, and she would never admit to him who she truly was.

She had come close. Two years after her mother died, a few months before she married Marcus, he had sat her down. _‘Berenice, tell me, before it’s too late, is this what you want?’_ He had eyes that seemed to be seeing past the surface, right into her heart, reading the words, confessions etched onto her soul. There wasn’t a right way of answering this. It wasn’t what she needed to be happy, but it was what she wanted to want. She had dropped her eyes, breaking from his gaze, to collect herself. She fixed him with a smile, a few reassuring words, _‘Marcus is perfect for me,’_ and he was, in theory. It was her that was broken, it was her problem. She had tried to live her life to please other people, but she had made herself miserable.

When her father had died, almost nine years ago, she had felt guilty for not quite being honest with her parents. After she’d split up with Marcus the guilt had started to eat at her, giving her a sense that they were somewhere, watching, knowing, and this was what she deserved, for not being the daughter she should have been.

Serena had teased this guilt out gently, unravelling it like a string that was wound tightly around Bernie’s heart, slowly but surely releasing the constriction, letting her heart beat freely for Serena, for a new life.

“Bernie?” The concern in Serena’s voice was evident, she could see the tears glistening in Bernie’s eyes as she stared unfocused at the ring. She was only vaguely aware of her voice and was brought back to reality by Serena’s hands clasping her own, stopping the continuous motion of them agitating the ring on her finger.

“Bernie,” she repeated and this time she looked up, eyes filled with hurt and guilt.

“Sorry, I was thinking, a- about my parents.” Serena nodded, only partly understanding. No two parent-child relationships were the same, but she knew about troubled ones all too well.

“You don’t have to wear it, Bernie, I’d understand.” She couldn’t bear to see her upset.

“It’s not that, honestly, I want to,” she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, resting against Serena’s shoulder. “All they wanted was for me to be happy, and I felt so guilty because I should have been, but I wasn’t. And now, I’ll never know what they really thought. I don’t know how they would react to it, we never talked about sexuality but they never said anything outright against it.”

Serena smiled, she knew Bernie’s quiet, reserved manner was down to the environment she was brought up in. A family of actions rather than words.

“If you could talk to them now, what would you say?” Serena had learnt this technique after her mother had died, and she’d used it with Jason when he was missing his mum. Saying the words out loud, whether they were heard by the intended person or not, gave a sense of peace. Everything she wished she’d said, sent out to the world, to a heaven that may or may not exist. But they were out of her, they were no longer chasing each other in her mind, playing over and over.

Bernie sighed and pondered for a moment. What would she say to her parents?

“I’d tell them I loved them. We didn’t say it enough, I knew but we didn’t do outpourings of emotion. I’d thank them, for everything, and I’d say sorry. I tried all my life to make sure they had a child they could be proud of, and they were proud of me, but I’d ask them whether they still were. I’d tell them everything I’d achieved, the trauma unit, about you. That the way you make me feel, the way I look at you, is the same as how I remember them being. I’d always wanted someone like that in my life, and now I’ve found that someone.”

“What would they say to you?”

She twitched her lips in a sad half smile, imagining her father stood in front of her now. In truth, she didn’t know. That was what hurt the most, not the guilt, but being unsure whether her parents would still love her if they knew.

She had wonderful memories of her father, Colonel Laurence Wolfe. Being lifted high into the air, giggling as his bristly moustache tickled her forehead when he kissed her. He was strong, kind, generous and she idolised him. It had been natural for her to want to go into the army and, despite his fears for her safety, he supported her and encouraged her to follow her dreams. He made sure she knew exactly what she’d be getting into, that it wasn’t heroic, it was tough. He knew how hard it was on the people left at home, Bernie’s mother had always worried for his safety, although she had hidden it well.

Evelyn Wolfe never knew that Bernie had signed up to the army, although she had told Bernie the last time they had spoken that she should live life for herself and to the fullest. She knew better than most that one never knows what’s just around the corner.

“I think they’d be proud of me, still. I hope.” She looked up into Serena’s eyes, full of care and concern. “I guess I’ll have to accept that. There’s no point digging up the past when I’ve got so much to look forward to.”

She wiped the tears that were threatening to spill and leant forwards to capture Serena’s lips with her own. They would have continued for a while, had it not been for the loud grumble of Serena’s stomach demanding breakfast.

“We’d better get going, shall we stop off in town to get the ring adjusted?” Serena asked as she slipped on her robe.

“Sounds like a good idea, I think the place I got yours from will do it. We need to plan our break as well.” She couldn’t wait for the time off Hanssen had promised, Serena definitely deserved it after the past few months, and Bernie hadn’t had a proper break since she started at Holby.

*

“Ms Campbell, would you take a look at this patient file for me?” Bernie crept up on her at the nurses’ station, although Serena was now more attuned to Bernie’s presence and didn’t jump quite as much as the first time. She looked over her shoulder and took the thin file from Bernie.

She glanced through it, at first confused but then a smile slowly crept onto her lips. A few pictures of a lovely cottage, picturesque with ivy and a painted blue door. She looked Bernie in the eyes, trying to give her a stern look.

“I thought you were busy doing your paperwork in there.” She raised an eyebrow, and Bernie grinned at her sheepishly.

“Sorry, I got distracted. But what do you think? The Cotswolds, maybe the week after next?” Serena could see the joy in Bernie’s smile, it was rather infectious and lifted the weary weight of back to back surgeries from her shoulders.

“Sounds perfect. Would you let Hanssen know the dates? And then back to your paperwork, otherwise he’ll never let us go.”

Bernie allowed herself a rare moment of affection at work. They tried to keep it to a minimum, doctors should keep their personal lives out of sight of the patients, it only ends in tears. She knew that better than most. But no one was looking, so she pressed a quick kiss to Serena’s forehead before returning to their office, leaving Serena with a warm glow and a renewed energy for the rest of the shift.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure when I will write the next part of this. I have a plan, but I'm finishing off Wrong Side of Fifty at the moment and focusing on that. it'll be a couple of weeks at least, just so you know. My New Year's resolution is to plan fics more and write more before posting haha


	6. Family Portrait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte has unearthed some old photo albums

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, I'm updating this after 8 months.....ooops! Posted for the Berena Appreciation Week Day 2 - Family. It's basically me thirsting over pictures of young Jemma in disguise of fic. If anyone wants to see the photos I have added them to [this post](https://daisydoctor13.tumblr.com/post/176996776229/something-old-something-new-chapter-6)
> 
> enjoy!

The week passed in a blur, the ward busy and plenty of paperwork to get done so they didn’t have to come back to mountains after their break. By some miracle, all of the kids were available on the same evening and they decided to have them all over for dinner.

It was Bernie’s day off and she had been tasked with shopping and getting the house ready. She got a text saying Serena would be a little later than planned.

Elinor was the first to arrive, a small overnight bag on her shoulder. Bernie received a brief smile, before she asked where Serena was.

“She’s been held a little late at work. Can I get you a tea or something?”

“I’m fine, thanks. I’m going to put this in my room.”

Bernie assumed she wouldn’t see her again until Serena got back so just continued with preparing the vegetables. A few minutes later though, Elinor appeared in the kitchen again, hovering in the doorway.

“Maybe I will have that tea, if you’re offering?”

A little hesitant but she was making the effort and Bernie grinned and filled the kettle. Once it had been made, Elinor stayed in the kitchen, leaning against a worktop and staring into her mug.

“Thank you so much, Bernie,” she started and Bernie looked at her, confused.

“It’s only a cup of tea.”

“No, not for that, for helping Mum when I was...you know,” she gestured vaguely at her leg. “I’m glad you were – _are_ – there for her. And I’m sorry, for being a cow. It wasn’t fair on you. You’re not so bad.”

Bernie tried to hide the chuckle that was forming. That was high praise indeed from Elinor.

“I’m not the evil stepmother then?”

“Well when I think about the other people Mum has dated since the divorce, I’m glad she picked you to marry.”

“I’m glad of that too,” Serena’s voice startled them both. “Hello you two.”

She planted a kiss on Elinor’s cheek then moved to Bernie, lingering until Ellie made a sound of disgust. They broke apart, laughing.

The doorbell rang and Serena went to answer it, being greeted by Cameron and Charlotte, who was carrying a bag that looked far too heavy for the fact she was only staying two nights. Cameron held out a bottle of Shiraz. 

“Sorry we’re a bit late, we had to stop off at Dad’s to collect some things. You’ll see later,” he grinned then entered the house to greet Bernie.

They entered the lounge, Bernie following Charlotte. A brief, tense nod passed between her and Elinor. They hadn’t seen each other since Christmas but it seemed neither had forgotten the event, which had ended with Elinor muttering about snot nosed army kids and Charlotte about entitled Daddy’s girls with no ambition.

Bernie guessed they were both going to remain civil, tonight was about celebrating. Cameron cut the tension by asking Ellie how her course was going. They started talking about university life and discovered they had a few mutual friends.

Bernie returned to the kitchen and sighed. Serena pulled her close and captured her in a slow kiss.

“Everything okay with Ellie? I was surprised to see you two chatting when I got back,” she tucked a strand of hair behind Bernie’s ear as she spoke.

“Apparently I’m ‘not so bad’,” they both chuckled at this. “She thanked me for being there for you, after the accident. And apologised for things."

"She probably wants money for something, and thinks that's the way to get in my good books," her hand was twisting a strand of hair and Bernie shook her head.

"Well whatever, I think she meant it. Now can you let me get back to this dinner or the animals will start eating each other."

She could hear that Jason had appeared from his room, obviously anticipating that food would be ready soon. Serena left to freshen up and Bernie got to work on the chicken korma she was preparing. Spices were lined up ready, even though it was a mild curry she knew how to make it flavoursome. The dough for the naan was resting and the chicken was marinating nicely. She poured herself a glass of wine and allowed herself a rest before starting to cook.

“Thought you’d start without me, hmm?” Serena murmured in her ear from behind before planting a kiss on her cheek.

“Chef’s privilege,” she quipped back. “Although I might be tempted to pour you one if you help clear up.”

Washing up was a necessary evil after the joys of cooking (and eating) food, in Bernie’s opinion. Serena chuckled, and started to set the table.

Twenty minutes later they were all sat ready to start. It seemed Elinor and Charlotte were tolerating each other, never speaking directly. It was small progress at least.

Cameron was telling tales of his placement, holding the attention of the room. She was fairly sure he was exaggerating slightly, but she was delighted that he had rediscovered his passion for medicine. She watched the group with fondness, her family, as she could now call them. She hadn’t dared to hope for something like this, especially not after the divorce. She felt Serena watching her and took her hand, feeling Serena a rub her knuckles soothingly.

“Okay?”

She sighed, a wide grin spreading across her face.

“Perfect.”

She hadn’t noticed the lull in conversation, the fact they were being watched. Cameron with a slight look of disgust, Charlotte amused, Elinor expression unreadable. Only Jason was focused on his plate, wiping every last drop of sauce with the naan.

Charlotte broke the silence.

“How did it take you two so long to get together? I mean, the way you look at each other. Even Cam saw it and he’s an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“Well you have to remember that I was entirely convinced I was a ‘dyed-in-the-wool heterosexual’ and your mother tried to be very noble and save my blushes by – what was it you said, darling?”

“Keeping it confined to theatre?”

“That sounds like mum,” Charlotte laughed. “but you got there in the end.”

She lifted her glass. “Congratulations, you both deserve the happiness.”

Everyone raised their drink and Bernie could feel herself welling up so stood to gather everyone’s plates and bring dessert.

*

Serena brought the teas through to the living room where they had all retired to after dinner. Jason was in his armchair, Cameron and Charlotte sharing the other and Bernie and Elinor sat on either end of the three-seater. She set down the tray and distributed the drinks before settling between the two. As soon as she had done so, Bernie wound an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. She could see Cameron and Charlotte whispering and giggling and frowned.

“What’s going on over there?”

Cameron nudged Charlotte who got up and retrieved the bag she had left in the hallway.

“I told Dad I was coming to see you this weekend and he said he found some things when he was clearing the attic. Apparently, some boxes you never really unpacked when we moved into Nan’s.”

Bernie sat upright with a confused frown as Charlotte passed her a photo album.

“I might have had a look on my way here, they’re from when you were at uni I think. And some from the army.”

Bernie opened it, chuckling.

“I’d totally forgotten about these.”

She ran her fingers over the photos, the first one evidently from the day she moved into halls, boxes everywhere and smiling with two new friends. Serena had never seen photos of a younger Bernie, although she was almost exactly as she’d imagined. She could see the same unassuming air, longer hair and darker but still messy, the shy crooked smile.

Charlotte rushed over and flicked through a few pages.

“This one is my favourite. Was it fancy dress or something?”

Serena bit back a smile at the photo before her. It was a very different style to the Bernie sat beside her, but it was incredibly attractive. She still had the long hair, now dyed blonde. Her fair skin looked almost like porcelain thanks to the full length black dress she was wearing, buttoned down until slightly higher than mid-thigh. Her endless legs were in sheer tights with lace up boots. Bernie was staring away from the camera, red lips and a black choker around her neck.

“Fancy dress?” Bernie exclaimed then laughed. “No, I may have gone through a ‘black clothes only’ phase. And I was at university, you know, finally free and pushing boundaries because my parents weren’t there.”

“I don’t think you’ve really got out of your black clothes phase, Mum,” Charlotte interjected and Bernie looked mock offended.

“This top is grey, I’ll have you know,” and the room filled with laughter, even Elinor chuckled. Serena’s heart felt as if it would burst as she sat surrounded by her family. They flicked through more pages: throughout university, her in an elegant green dress on stage, Bernie at her ‘passing out’ parade, in dress uniform and a huge grin, a picture of her in fatigues, tired and dusty with the two children hugging her fiercely.

On the next page was a slightly crumpled photo, not in place, they clearly hadn’t been filed in any order which didn’t surprise Serena. Bernie paused, her finger hovering over the page, as if she wasn’t sure if she wanted to turn it or not. The photo showed her and an older man, by the long nose and thin lips she assumed it was Bernie’s father. Bernie’s hair was typically messy, but swept up into a hair clip and topped with a veil. Her dress was a white lace bodice with a full skirt, although not as big as some dresses in the eighties had been. It had long lace sleeves with slightly puffed shoulders. She was smiling shyly at the camera, her father with his arm round her shoulders beaming.

“You looked beautiful, darling,” she said softly, linking her fingers into Bernie’s that were still hovered over the page.

“Your wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, but how could you have been happy if you were marrying a man?”

“Jason,” Serena chided but Bernie interrupted.

“It was different then, I was hiding who I was and I wanted to make my father proud. And I _did_ love Marcus, in a way. We were very good friends and by all accounts we were perfect for each other. I was happy, because I couldn’t imagine spending my life with another man, I guess,” she paused and looked around the room. “I don’t regret it, at all. Marrying Marcus brought me to this point here, and now I can’t imagine my life being any better than this.”

Jason nodded, apparently satisfied with that answer. Serena squeezed Bernie’s hand and flicked through the rest of the album. They’d reached the point where the photos were more of the children than of Bernie, but there were still group shots of days out, family holidays and all of them were smiling and laughing.

Charlotte and Cameron had moved to stand behind the sofa, peering over their shoulders at the photos and groaning at their outfits.

“I can’t believe you dressed us like this, Mum,” Cameron pointed at one photo in which he was wearing striped shorts and a striped t-shirt in clashing colours, topped with a bright green hat.

“I didn’t! You insisted on picking your outfits at that age, so you’ve only got yourself to blame.”

They reached the end of the album and Charlotte yawned. They decided to call it a night, the girls heading upstairs as Bernie called a taxi for Cameron, knowing she and Serena had both drunk too much to give him a lift home.

Jason followed the girls a few minutes later, after he had filled the dishwasher, and Bernie set about making a cup of tea. She returned to the living room a few minutes later to find Serena staring at the photos once more.

“I can’t believe Marcus found these, I can’t remember the last time we went into the attic in that house.”

“Well I’m very glad he did,” Serena replied with a hint of desire in her voice. Bernie followed her gaze to a photo of her in a black blazer and sheer top, almost like a corset. Probably another night out, but she couldn’t be certain. She blushed as she met Serena’s heated gaze and reached for her drink. Serena moved on to the next page and chuckled. “I always did have a thing for a uniform.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, Ms. Campbell,” she teased before studying the photo more carefully. “I think that’s when I returned from my first tour. The kids and Marcus met me at the airport, with a big sign and my favourite chocolate...the last time I came back I got a taxi to an empty house and a note saying he’d been called in to work.”

Serena closed the album firmly and pulled Bernie close, her hand automatically winding through her hair. “Everything worked out though didn’t it? You said it yourself, it brought you to this moment.”

Bernie hummed in agreement. “I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

*

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Beezarre for the fic title! The chapter title is the last line from Sonnet 43 "How Do I Love Thee?" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning - it's not as morbid as it seems (She is saying she hopes to be reunited with her love after death)


End file.
